By Muffin
Lois turned onto the highway and headed for home. It had been a
long day, yet things had gone fairly well for her. Her source for
the drug network had worked out for her and she was able to phone
her story in for the evening edition of the Daily Planet. Clark,
her husband and partner, had been away on one of his rescues for
the past hour and a half, so Lois reluctantly drove home from her
source's hideout by herself.
The traffic wasn't as bad as Lois anticipated and she settled
behind a fairly new Ford Taurus and set her cruise control. The
night was unusually warm for February and a fairly thick fog had
risen from the cooling asphalt. The weatherman had even predicted
an early spring shower for the night. Lois recalled this as she
began to see big, fat drops of rain fall on the windshield. Lois
let out a sigh, turned on the windshield wipers and the radio,
then sat back in her seat to get a little more comfortable. The
radio faintly played a soft romantic song that Lois recognized as
one of Rod Stewart's. She smiled at the lyrics and soon began to
sing to them herself.
Have I told you lately
That I love you?
Have I told you there's
No one else above you?
You fill my heart with gladness,
Take away all my sadness.
Ease my troubles,
That's what you do.
Lois's thoughts immediately turned to Clark. Even though they had
been through so much just to get engaged and then finally
married, Lois still loved everything about Clark and the time
that they had spent together. She began to think about how much
she looked forward to coming home now that she had him to come
home to. It had been wonderful not to have to face an empty
apartment or a night alone.
Lois's thoughts began to drift further and were suddenly brought
back to the present by a transfer truck honking its horn. Unknown
to Lois, the driver frantically began to pump the brakes and
discovered that he had none to stop his truck. He blared his horn
once again to get Lois's attention. She looked up in her rearview
mirror and was astonished as she saw headlights come speeding
toward her jeep. Lois immediately stomped on the gas to keep from
being rear-ended but then remembered the other car in front of
her. She saw the headlights still coming full force behind her
and laid on her horn for the other car to speed up. After
flashing her lights and honking her horn for several more
seconds, Lois realized she wasn't getting the driver's attention,
but then she saw someone in the passenger side of the front seat
turn around and look at her. Lois couldn't be sure if they knew
what she was trying to tell them so she sped up a little. She
could see the driver in the car motion for the person in the
passenger seat to turn around and sit down. Lois slammed on her
brakes and laid on her horn when the Taurus came rushing up to
the nose of her jeep. She was becoming increasingly nervous
because the transfer truck was coming in closer and closer.
Again, she laid on her horn and sped up, trying to pass the car,
but as she pulled into the other lane, she nearly hit another car
head-on.
Lois quickly pulled the car back into her lane and kept it
stable. The headlights of the truck were nearly on her bumper now
and she was beginning to panic. Lois looked this time before
pulling into the other lane and sped up. The rain was pouring by
this time and Lois could hardly see where the road was headed.
She almost passed the Taurus that was in front of her when she
hit a puddle standing in the middle of the highway. Her car
skidded to the left and began spinning out of control. Closing
her eyes in a silent prayer, Lois held on as the car hit a tree
and then rested at the base of a telephone pole.
Looking up and realizing that she was still in one piece, the
truck caught her eye. It looked like a monster chasing the Taurus
until it collided with the back bumper and sent the car flying
into a telephone pole. Lois cringed as she heard the sound of
breaking glass. She quickly got out of the car, grabbed her
phone, and headed over to see if everyone was okay. The rain
stung her face as she ran across the highway. The warm day had
quickly turned cold with the rain and Lois began to shiver a
little as the coldness set into her skin. She reached the car and
opened the back door on the passenger side.
"Is everyone okay?" Lois asked as she looked and saw a mother,
who was driving, and a little girl in the back seat.
"Yes," the woman said, shaking her head a little. "I think
everyone's. . . . " she looked to her right and saw that the
passenger seat was empty. Her face turned ashen as she spoke her
daughter's name. "Karen, . . . where's Karen?"
"I'll find her. Just stay put, okay?" Lois said as she ducked her
head out of the car.
Lois ran to the front of the car and saw the hole in the
windshield. Immediately she began looking around the car and at
first saw nothing. Then she saw her. Karen was huddled in what
appeared to be a fetal position and was softly calling for her
mother. Lois ran over to her and put a hand on her back.
"Karen? Can you hear me, sweetie?" Lois asked, trying to keep her
voice from cracking. Karen's eyes came up to Lois's face and
stayed there. Lois looked at her and saw the confusion in her
face but didn't know what to say at the moment.
"Karen, just stay here, honey. We're going to get help, okay?"
Lois said, trying to be brave.
Lois immediately dialed 911 and reported the accident. After she
got off the phone, she ran to her jeep and got a rain slicker
that she put in her car just in case it rained. After she got
back from her car, Lois laid her jacket over Karen and then put
the slicker over her to keep her warm. The ambulance seemed to be
taking forever and Lois was becoming increasingly worried about
Karen's condition. She took Karen's hand in hers and held it as
the rain beat down on them. Her emotions began to get the better
of her, and Lois began to feel close to tears but still didn't
cry for the sake of the little girl. She knew that she couldn't
let on to the fear that she felt for this child and her family.
Finally, the ambulance arrived. They loaded Karen up into the
ambulance along with her mother and sister and took them all to
the hospital. The police then helped Lois in the car and followed
the ambulance to the hospital.
*This drive is taking forever,* Lois thought as her suppressed
tears began to come during the ride to the hospital.
The cop handed her a handkerchief.
"Thank you," she said through the handkerchief. "I'm so sorry.
I'm normally not this emotional. It's just that little girl . . .
. Will she be okay?"
"I can't say ma'am. I'm not an EMT, but you did all you could and
that's to be commended. Not many people could have survived the
pressure that you were under," the cop said reassuringly.
Lois smiled slightly and nodded. She took a deep sigh, laid her
head back against the head rest, and closed her eyes. Without
realizing her exhaustion, Lois fell asleep. They reached the
hospital a while later and the cop woke Lois up with a slight
shake of the arm. She opened her eyes and looked around.
"We're here," the cop said. "Are you up for a little
questioning?"
Lois nodded and they both got out of the car and headed inside.
The cop led Lois through a line of offices and stopped at one at
the end of the hall. She looked inside and saw a woman sitting at
the desk. The cop walked inside as Lois peered in from the hall.
"Hey, Marge."
"Hey, Steve. Whatcha got for me?"
"I need you to keep an eye on this young lady here for me until I
get back. I don't want her to leave this room until I can get a
statement from her, okay?"
"Okay."
Steve grabbed Lois's arm and led her inside the tiny office. Lois
sat down in a chair and tried to make herself comfortable. She
looked around the office and saw all kinds of bulletins for
missing children, wanted criminals, and even missing pets. Marge
looked at Lois questioningly and then went back to some paperwork
she had been doing before.
"Why does he want me to stay in this room?" Lois asked.
"What?" Marge said, looking up from her work. "Oh. He wants to
get your story of what happened during the accident and then get
the other people's stories who were involved and compare them.
It's safer that way."
"So . . . in other words, he doesn't want me talking to the other
woman because we might find out that the exact same thing
happened to us?" Lois said sarcastically.
"No, missy," Marge said with a stern voice, "he wants to get each
side and compare the two so he can see what fits together and
what seems faulty. It's just routine procedure."
"Can I call my husband?" Lois said, suddenly feeling a strong
urge for him to be there with her.
"Sure, but make it quick, and use this phone," Marge said as she
pushed the phone on her desk toward Lois.
Lois picked up the receiver and quickly dialed her home phone
number. The phone rang and rang and finally the answering machine
picked up. Lois waited for the announcement to play through and
left her message to Clark.
"Clark, it's me. I'm just calling from Metropolis General, and
when you get in I really need you to come down here. It's very,
very important."
Lois replaced the phone on its cradle and sat back in
frustration. Her previous tears threatened to come back, and she
quickly closed her eyes to keep them from spilling down her
cheeks. She placed a hand on her forehead for support and leaned
up against the arm rest. After sitting there for what felt like
hours, Steve finally came back.
"Sorry it took so long. Well, are you ready?" said Steve as he
sat down in a chair next to Lois.
Lois just nodded.
"Okay then. Tell me what happened."
Lois took a deep breath and looked at the floor, then at Steve.
"Well, I had just gotten through talking to a source of mine for
a story I was working on. I had just left his house and was
headed home."
Steve nodded.
"I pulled out of his driveway and onto the highway behind a Ford
Taurus. I was driving along, minding my own business and
listening to the radio when all of a sudden I heard a loud horn.
I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw a huge transfer truck
coming at me. I didn't know what else to do except speed up,"
Lois said, shrugging her shoulders.
"I knew that if I didn't, I would get rammed from behind." Lois
paused for a moment and took a breath.
"Anyway, I sped up and then realized that the Taurus was still in
front of me so I quickly slowed down. I blared my horn and
flashed my lights at her to try and tell her to speed up, but it
didn't work. So, next, I just sped up to try to tell her that she
needed to go faster, but that didn't work either. I saw the truck
getting closer to my car, and I decided that I'd better pass the
Taurus or I'd be crushed," Lois stated, her voice a little
shaky.
"I pulled into the other lane and began to pass her except that I
didn't look first and had to pull back into my lane to keep from
hitting another car head-on. I looked again and saw the lane was
clear and pulled out to pass her. I had almost gotten past her
when I hit a puddle and skidded to the left. I started spinning
out of control and hit a tree, then a telephone pole." Lois's
voice became caught in her throat and she took a minute to
compose herself.
"I looked up in time to see the truck hit her back bumper and
push her into a telephone pole," she finished with a tear in her
eye. "Is that what she said happened?"
"Pretty much," Steve said with a nod. "Her story of course didn't
have so much of the detail of the truck trying to ram you. I
don't think she figured that out until you had passed her and she
became the target."
Lois nodded.
"Can I see them, now? I want to see if Karen's okay."
"Sure. I'll take you over there now. I think her mom could use a
little company," Steve said as he got out of his seat.
Lois stood up and headed out the door toward the waiting room.
Sheila sat in the waiting room with her daughter Katelyn, waiting
for news on Karen's condition. Steve and Lois approached them,
and Lois sat down in a chair by Sheila.
"How is she?" asked Lois, worried.
"They haven't come out yet. I don't . . . I don't know what's
going on," Sheila said, her voice getting teary.
"I'm sure everything will be fine," Lois said with
encouragement.
She put a hand on the other woman's shoulder. Sheila turned and
looked at Lois as if she had just seen her for the first time.
"You know, I don't even know your name," Sheila said with a
chuckle.
"Oh! My name is Lois Lane."
"THE Lois Lane?" asked Sheila, questioningly. "Well, it's nice to
finally meet the woman behind all of those great articles."
Lois smiled.
"Thank you. And your name is?"
"Sheila Thackerson and this is my daughter Katelyn."
"Well, it's nice to finally be introduced to you and your
daughter," said Lois as she looked down at Katelyn's sleeping
form. "I'm just sorry we had to meet under these conditions."
"That makes two of us. I just hope . . . I hope that everything .
. . . " Sheila cut off and began to cry.
Lois instinctively reached up and hugged the other woman as she
cried against her shoulder. A few minutes later, Sheila pulled
back.
"I'm sorry. I just can't believe this happened. I mean, Karen was
any normal 8 year old girl and now I don't even know what's going
to happen to her. It just took a second to totally turn our lives
around," Sheila said sadly.
Lois nodded sympathetically.
"I know exactly what you mean. I've had it happen a few times
myself."
"I just . . . don't know what to do," Sheila said through a deep
breath.
Lois opened her mouth to say something and noticed Clark coming
through the doors. She jumped up and ran to him.
"Clark! Oh, thank God you're here!" she exclaimed.
Clark gladly embraced his wife and held her tightly. He kissed
her temple and then rested his head on her shoulder.
"Are you okay?" he asked a few minutes later when he had pulled
away from her.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said.
"What happened? Was anyone hurt?" Clark asked anxiously.
"Come over here and we'll tell you what happened," said Lois.
Clark quickly followed Lois and sat down in a chair next to her.
Sheila and Lois quickly filled him in on the accident and what
had happened afterwards. Clark just shook his head.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Lois."
Lois put a hand on his shoulder.
"Clark, honey, you couldn't have known what was going to
happen."
"Well, I always seem to be off somewhere when something happens
to you. I just wish I could have been there tonight."
"Honey, there was nothing that you could have done other than
what had already been done by the cops and the paramedics. You
can't be everywhere all the time," Lois said.
Clark smiled a half smile and stroked her cheek with his thumb.
At that moment, the doctor came out to the waiting room and
called Sheila over to talk to her. Lois sat watching closely as
Sheila stood up and crossed the room to the doctor. He talked
quietly, but Lois could see the impact his words were having on
the other woman. Suddenly, Sheila clapped her hand to her mouth
as big tears filled her eyes. The doctor grabbed her arm to
steady her as he continued to talk, but Sheila could only shake
her head in disbelief. The doctor then escorted her over to the
seat by Lois and sat her down. Lois put her hand on Sheila's
shoulder to comfort her as she sobbed into her hands. The words
were whispered so softly at first that Lois couldn't hear them.
But as she spoke them again, Sheila's voice grew louder.
"She's gone," Sheila simply said.
Clark spun into the suit and picked Lois up to fly them home. It
had been several hours since Lois and he had heard the news of
Karen's death, and she was taking it harder than Clark expected.
They flew home in almost complete silence, each not knowing what
to say to the other. Clark landed on the balcony and put Lois
down on the ground. She immediately turned to him and hugged him.
Glad that he still could hold her, Clark pulled her to him and
whispered soothing words in her ear. A little while later, she
pulled back from him and headed inside to their bedroom. Clark
quickly followed her and changed from his suit to his pajamas in
a single spin when he reached the bedroom. He noticed her sitting
on the edge of the bed and walked over to sit next to her. He put
his arm around her and pulled her to him. It was at this moment
that Lois burst into tears. Clark, not expecting this severe of a
reaction from her, quickly pulled her into his lap and held her
as she cried. After a few minutes, she looked up at him.
"I really wish you had been there tonight. I could have handled
all of this so much better. I just felt so . . . helpless. With
you there, I would have at least had the strength not to cry,"
Lois said tearfully.
Clark just looked at her and brushed the tears away with the back
of his fingers.
"Lois, you are anything but helpless. Believe me when I tell you
this. I know it had to be horrifying to see and be involved in
what happened tonight," Clark said looking lovingly at her, "and,
yes, I am very sorry that I wasn't there to prevent the accident
from occurring and to comfort you when it did happen, but you
said yourself that I cannot be everywhere I'm needed all of the
time."
"I'm sorry Clark. When you repeat my words back to me, it makes
it sound like I'm blaming you for the accident even occurring.
That's not what I meant by it. I just meant that I need you, and
I wanted you there with me. I'm beginning to realize how much I
need you and want you to be a part of everything in my life, even
the bad."
"Lois, I will be every part of your life, and you will be every
part of mine until . . . well, forever. There's no doubt about
that. I love you more than anything, and I would never let any
part of our lives not be lived by both of us together," Clark
said as he picked up Lois's hand, "and I know that together," he
entwined his hand in hers, "we can overcome anything."
Raising her hand to his lips, he kissed it and placed it on the
bed next to them. Lois smiled faintly and looked into his eyes.
She still didn't know what she had done to deserve such a loving,
kind man for a husband.
"I love you so much," Lois said while she looked at him.
He smiled at her and hugged her tightly.
"I love you, too, Lois."
She sighed, slowly climbed out of his lap, and crossed the room
to retrieve her nightgown from the drawer she kept it in. Feeling
extremely exhausted from the night's events, Lois quickly changed
and crawled into bed. Clark pulled her to him and held her while
she slept. He became her source of comfort and strength
throughout the night and into the early hours of the morning when
she finally fell out of a fitful sleep and into one without
dreams.
The next few weeks were pretty uneventful. Lois was still
depressed about the accident but seemed to be taking it better
everyday. Clark was always patient and supportive and was willing
to talk to her about the things on her mind. But lately, Lois
seemed to be clamming up on him and he didn't really understand
why.
Back when they had first met, Lois had a hard time opening up to
him and admitting certain feelings. He had seen this diminish
with time and the growth of their relationship. However, lately,
Lois seemed to be regressing back to that state and seemed
unwilling to share any fears that she might have. Clark became
increasingly concerned when she began to dive nose first into
every story that came along. When he did try to talk to her about
it, she just brushed it off like she didn't know what he was
talking about. Even though he knew Lois was a very strong and
capable person, it still worried him. He had never seen her so
upset over someone else's loss. Of course Lois had heart, but she
never got emotionally involved in something such as this. He knew
that she had practically seen Karen die in front of her, but he
expected her to accept it with a little more ease. It had been
difficult enough for Clark to even accept that she had been in
yet another accident without him there to protect her, let alone
deal with Lois's emotional state because of the accident.
*What am I thinking? I know that I would go through hell and back
for Lois. We have been through so much already. Why can't I just
accept the facts and be there to support her? I know that she has
been through a lot with the accident and seeing about Karen and
her family. It has been very draining on Lois and all I can do
now is sit here and think like this?*
Clark sat back in his chair and looked at Lois across the room
from him. She looked deep in thought while she sat there typing
away at her computer. That was something else Clark thought was
unusual about Lois's behavior. She seemed to be getting into the
stories, yet, when she was working on them alone, like she was
now, she always seemed distant and preoccupied. Clark slowly got
up from his chair and headed over to Lois's desk. He stopped in
front of it and just looked at her working diligently. Apparently
lost in thought, Lois didn't see Clark standing there and
continued typing her article. He cleared his throat and she
looked up, startled.
"Hi," Clark said.
"Oh, . . . hi. Did you need something?" Lois asked.
"Uh, . . . no. I just came over to see what you were doing.
Obviously it had to be something pretty interesting because you
didn't even hear me come up to your desk," Clark said.
"Oh, . . . yeah. Well, it's not that interesting. It's just this
article I was working on for that bank robbery on Monday. I . . .
."
"Lois," Clark began cautiously, "is. . .I'm worried about . . .
how you've been lately."
Lois looked up and smiled. "I'm fine, Clark. Honest."
"Well, I just. . . " Clark began again, choosing his words
carefully, "I wanted to make sure that . . . you're okay with
everything . . . that happened . . . uh. . . ."
"Clark, I am fine. If you want me to say it again, I will," Lois
said as she stood up and brought her face up to his. "I am
fine."
"Okay," Clark said as he turned around and walked back to his
desk.
*Maybe I am overreacting about this. I just hate to see Lois in
distress and her not tell me about it. I just wish she knew that
I only want to help her.*
Later that day, Lois and Clark left the Planet and headed back
home. He flagged down a taxi to take them home. The ride was
quiet, yet there was a lot of tension in the air. Clark knew that
Lois was hiding something, but he couldn't figure out what it
was. He had tried to ask her nicely about what had been bothering
her, but had gotten nowhere with her. They stopped in front of
their townhouse, and Clark paid the driver as Lois headed inside.
He soon caught up with her as she unlocked the door. They shed
their coats and Clark strode towards the kitchen to prepare
dinner.
Clark was surprised that even preparing one of Lois's favorite
dinners didn't bring her out of her state. She sat quietly
throughout the meal without uttering two words. He found this
strange but didn't want to have the same conversation as the one
at the Planet. Leaving her alone with her thoughts, he cleared
the table when they were both finished eating. Before he was even
done washing the dishes, Lois had gone upstairs to take a hot
bath. He soon joined her in the bedroom as he got ready for bed.
Noticing Lois had already gotten under the covers, he hurried to
get into bed. Clark slowly crawled between the sheets, turned out
the light, and kissed Lois goodnight. He sighed as he settled
down and then fell into a deep sleep.
Clark felt something hit him during the night and sat straight up
in bed. He looked to his left and saw Lois thrashing around in
the bed. She had tossed all of the covers off of her and was
flailing her arms and legs. Clark grabbed her arms to still her
movements and spoke her name to bring her out of her nightmare.
Lois opened her eyes and looked at him.
"Lois . . . " he said, as he brushed the hair off her sweaty
brow, "are you all right?"
Lois caught her breath.
"Yes. I'm fine."
She pushed his hands away from her face and turned over to go
back to sleep.
"No you're not," Clark stated firmly.
Lois didn't turn over.
"I'm very worried about you. Why won't you talk to me?" Clark put
a hand on her shoulder.
"Because there's nothing to say."
"I think there's plenty to say, Lois, and I'm willing to listen
if you'll just give me the chance."
Lois sighed. "Goodnight, Clark."
"Lois . . . . "
Clark knew he was treading on dangerous ground, but he hated not
being able to help her when she was like this.
"Clark, I'm fine. Just go to sleep, okay?"
"No. It's not okay, Lois. You're not okay, and if you think you
are, then you're just kidding yourself," Clark said.
With that, Lois sat straight up and looked him dead in the eye.
"Who are you to decide if I'm okay or if I'm not okay?"
"Lois, . . . I know something's wrong. Just tell me and we'll
work it out together."
"I don't need your help, Clark, because there is nothing to help
me with," Lois said, practically shouting. "Fine. All I'm saying
is that when you're ready to talk then I'll be here ready to
listen." Clark turned over and bundled up in the covers. Lois,
all of a sudden, got up and headed out the door.
"Where are you going?" Clark asked.
"Downstairs. I think the couch would be a little more inviting
right now," Lois said, angrily.
"Lois . . . . "
Clark tried to apologize but it was too late. He knew that he had
done the wrong thing by trying to force her to fess up to what
had been bothering her, but it hurt him so much to see her in
this state. He had only wanted her to be able to confide in him
about what had been bothering her, but now he had even blown that
chance. All he could do was wait until she decided to come to him
with what was bothering her.
The next few days passed with a slowness that Clark had never
known. Lois wouldn't talk to him at home and only talked to him
in a professional sense at work. It was driving him crazy, but he
didn't know what to do about it except to let her cool off. He
had never seen Lois hold a grudge against him this long and he
became even more worried since her nightmares continued on a
nightly basis. He knew she was terribly afraid of something, but
he didn't know what. And he didn't know how to help her if she
was unwilling to share her feelings with him. Clark sat back in
his chair at his desk and studied Lois from a distance.
"You're not gonna get much work done by staring at your wife,
Kent," Perry said.
Clark looked up at him and then back at his desk.
"Is something wrong between you two?"
Clark paused for a minute and decided to tell Perry what was
wrong.
"Well, . . . ever since Lois was involved in the accident a few
weeks ago, she's been diving into every story that's come along.
I mean, I know that's really not that unusual, but she's ignoring
my attempts to try to get her to talk about the accident. And
worst of all, she's been having bad nightmares. It's really
frustrating because she won't tell me what's wrong. I keep trying
to be there for her and she refuses to let me do anything."
"Well, Son, you know Lois and when she's good and ready, she'll
tell you what's on her mind. She's been on her own most of her
life, and she's used to having to depend only on herself when
times get tough. Hell, it took her two years just to be able to
tell me . . . . "
Lois walked over about that time.
"Clark, I need the list of suspects that we have on that
smuggling story."
Clark looked up at her and smiled softly as he handed her the
list. She quickly turned on her heel and walked back to her
desk.
"Wow. What did you say to her?"
"Nothing, Chief. I just tried to get her to talk to me and she
kinda got angry with me when I did."
"Kinda angry?"
"Well, a lot angry. She won't talk to me at all at home. At least
she talks to me here, even if it is in a professional sense."
"Well, I have two words for you: Good luck."
"Thanks, Chief. I have a feeling I'm going to need it."
Perry turned from Clark's desk and headed back to his office. He
really did feel sorry for Clark because he knew how Lois could be
when she was angry. He also knew how Clark could be when he was
worried about Lois. Perry sighed and just hoped that Clark's
patience would hold out over her grudge.
Lois woke with a start in the middle of the night. She had that
awful dream again. She looked to her right and saw that Clark was
sleeping soundly. Apparently her sudden jarring didn't wake him.
She was silently thankful for the moment because she didn't want
him to accuse her of hiding her feelings again, but then she
began to feel very scared and lonely.
Lois had always had a difficult time dealing with her emotions,
but it had gotten easier since she and Clark had gotten closer.
Since the accident though, she had pulled back from telling Clark
what she was fearing. It was hard enough to admit fear to
herself, let alone Clark. He was the perfect husband, always
patient and kind, but she just wanted to be able to deal with
this on her own. She supposed that she felt this way because she
wanted to maintain her independence and the feeling of being in
control. That had always been important to her and she felt that
if she could deal with this, like everything else in the past,
then that meant she was a strong person.
*I will deal with this! I don't need to bother Clark. It would
only worry him further.*
With that, she tried to go back to sleep, but without much
success. She tossed and turned for more than an hour and finally
sat up, frustrated. She looked down at Clark's sleeping form and
suddenly began to cry. Lois buried her face in her knees and
sobbed. Suddenly, she felt Clark's strong arms come around her
shoulders in a warm embrace. She gladly entered his arms and
stayed there while she cried. He stroked her hair and listened as
she apologized through her tears.
"Clark, I'm so sorry. I know. . . . "
"Shhhh. It's okay."
She pulled away to look at him.
"No, I . . . I want to tell you why I've been acting this way.
Just be patient with me. This could take a while. Not because
it's a long story, but just because I'm not used to bearing my
soul at the drop of a hat. I know since we've been married I have
opened up a lot more, but I just can't seem to face something
that I am afraid of. Do you know what I mean? I mean life itself
is very scary, but I can always seem to handle the big stuff.
It's just always these little details that always get me . . . .
"
"Lois."
"What?"
"Uh, . . . you're babbling."
"Oh. I'm sorry, sweetheart," Lois said. "Anyway, as I was saying
before, when I saw the accident the other week I was . . . really
taken back by what happened. I have never witnessed an accident
like that right before my eyes. It was horrifying. I was amazed
that I wasn't hurt at all in the wreck. I guess fate was on my
side that night," Lois said, "but it wasn't on Karen's," she
barely whispered.
"I remember now seeing Karen before the accident happened. Sheila
told me later on that night that Karen had . . . " Lois began to
get teary, " . . . taken her seat belt off to see what I was
honking my horn about. Right before the accident, Clark, I saw
her look back at me like she was trying to find out what I was
trying to signal them about. Then I saw Sheila, who was driving,
tell her to turn around and sit down. She did turn around, but .
. . she didn't put her seat belt back on. I guess Sheila didn't
notice because of all the commotion I was causing, but I finally
passed her and hit that puddle. That's when things really went
downhill. When my car had finally stopped, I looked up in time to
see them get hit from behind and pushed into a telephone pole,"
Lois said as tears streamed down her face.
Clark just nodded.
"Clark, don't you see what happened?"
"What are you talking about, Lois? The truck hit them and they
hit the telephone pole. You told me that the night it happened."
Lois shook her head.
"No. I mean the fact that if I hadn't done what I did then Karen
would still be alive tonight. If I hadn't honked my horn and
flashed my lights then she would be fine. I don't know why I just
didn't pass them and move on. I just wish there was something
that I could do to . . . . " Lois's voice caught in her throat
and she began to sob uncontrollably.
Clark held her while she cried.
"Lois, honey, that's not what happened. I mean it is, but you're
not responsible for Karen's death. You were just trying to warn
them about the truck. Honey, you had no idea what was going to
happen."
Lois was silent except for her tears, and Clark felt that there
was no way that he could tell her that Karen's death was not her
fault. He could see her point of view, but he also knew that Lois
would never take a life intentionally. As these thoughts went
through Clark's mind, he rocked Lois back and forth in hopes to
stop her tears. Several minutes later, her sobs had quieted to an
occasional sniffle. Lois sat up, took a deep, shuttering breath,
and looked at Clark. His heart ached to see her like this.
Reaching a hand up, Clark stroked her cheek and smiled softly at
her. She just looked at him with pain-filled eyes and leaned into
his touch. Lois slowly closed her eyes and felt a few more tears
escape down her cheeks.
"I love you, Clark," Lois said, her eyes still closed.
Clark smiled at his wife.
"I love you, too, Lois, more than you know."
With that she opened her eyes and climbed into his lap. He held
her there for a long time and was astonished when he looked down
and saw that she had finally fallen asleep. Clark slowly floated
to her side of the bed and laid her down. With Lois asleep, Clark
felt better. He had seen how much this wreck had bothered her and
now he at least knew the reason why she had taken it so hard.
Drained himself, Clark floated to his side of the bed and fell
asleep instantly.
The next morning, Lois woke up to the smell of breakfast. She
quickly got up and went to the kitchen to see what Clark had
fixed for them to eat. Lois bounced down the stairs feeling
better than she had felt in weeks. She took a deep breath and
walked into the kitchen. Clark was behind the stove making his
mother's famous blueberry pancakes and whistling the theme song
to Gilligan's Island. He saw her and the refreshed look on her
face and instantly felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He had
been so worried after last night's outburst.
They ate breakfast together and talked about the stories that
they had worked on over the past few weeks. Lois seemed to be
getting back to her old self. Clark still thought better than to
ask her to talk about the accident again. Last night had been a
nightmare enough for both of them. He knew that now that she had
talked to him, she would work through the problem with more ease.
One of the things he found most amazing about Lois was that she
always tried to work things out by herself when she knew that
with him, things could almost always be worked out faster and
easier. He guessed she didn't always confide in him because she
had been so independent for most of her life, but he felt like
that was all about to change.
Clark got up from the table and took their dishes to the sink. He
looked back at Lois who had stopped talking for a while. She had
that far away look in her eyes once again, and Clark felt that
feeling of dread return to his gut.
*Maybe everything hasn't been resolved yet,* Clark thought
grimly.
He sighed and walked over to his wife.
"Earth to Lois. Come in Lois."
She shook her head and looked up at him.
"I'm sorry, Clark. I just can't seem to keep my mind on one
subject today."
"Or off one subject," Clark mumbled under his breath.
"What?"
"Nothing, honey. I just want you to know that if you have anymore
problems with . . . you know what, that I am here to listen,
okay? You don't have to deal with this alone. I'll help you."
Lois smiled and put her hand on Clark's.
"Clark, I'm . . . "
"I know. You're fine."
She smiled and nodded at him. He really seemed to understand her
or at least predict some of her behavior. No one else had ever
been able to do that and it made Lois feel better. Lois got up
from the table and headed for their bedroom to get ready for
work.
"Where are you going?" asked Clark.
Lois stopped in front of the kitchen doors and turned to look at
Clark.
"To get ready for work, Clark."
"Well, I called Perry and he gave both of us the day off. He said
that we've both been working hard and needed some time off."
"Clark, there is nothing to be worried about. I told you that I'm
fine. Now quit being closed minded about this and just accept
it."
Clark stood there looking at his wife. He knew that she wasn't
fine and the only thing she had accomplished was telling him what
was bothering her. He couldn't just sit back and watch her put
herself through agony. It tore him up too much. To Clark's
astonishment, he felt like crying himself. Maybe that would tell
her how much she was hurting him by not sharing her problems with
him. He just shook his head and walked past her into the den.
"What? No more lecture?" As soon as Lois said these words, she
regretted it.
Clark spun around.
"You know what Lois?" Clark said, almost shouting. "You say that
you're fine and I believe you, but let me tell you something. I
am not fine, and do you know why? Because my wife, my significant
other, will not talk to me about what is on her mind when I know
that it's tearing her up inside," he said as tears welled up in
his eyes. He took a breath.
"Lois, I saw you last night and you were a mess. I have never
been that scared for you in my life. I just want you to talk to
me and tell me what's wrong so that maybe I can help you get
through this. Don't you understand that by not telling me what's
wrong that you're tearing me up in the process?" he said as he
stared at her.
She seemed too shocked to respond, so he continued, his voice
softer. "When you don't tell me, I feel nothing but helplessness.
I can't do anything to help you unless you tell me; and I want to
help you through anything that happens, but that means that you
have to trust me and let me in," Clark said as he wiped his eyes
with a swipe of his fingers and sat down on the couch with a
flop.
Lois still didn't know what to say. She now knew that in trying
to protect him from her fears, she had only hurt him more.
Hanging her head, she started up the stairs toward their bedroom.
Clark sat there and waited until he heard the bedroom door close.
He knew what he had said had shocked and even hurt her, but he
had to tell her what her silence was doing to him. He couldn't
just sit back and watch her do that to herself. If she wasn't
willing to do something about it, then Clark was going to try his
hardest to get her to face the problem. Clark took a deep breath
and suddenly felt very tired. He looked at the stairs and
wondered what Lois was doing. Propping his head in his hand, he
soon fell asleep.
Several hours later, Clark woke up. He looked around the house
but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. He wondered if
Lois was still in the bedroom or if she had left the house to
think things over. Clark slowly climbed the stairs and headed to
their bedroom. He opened the door to find her sound asleep on the
bed. She looked like an angel laying there sleeping peacefully.
Clark walked over to the bed and pushed a strand of hair out of
her face. She didn't even stir which indicated to Clark that she
was indeed over tired and needed the day off. Softly, rain began
to beat against the window. Clark turned around and noticed the
gray, overcast sky.
*Now that's appropriate,* Clark thought to himself.
He turned back to Lois and gave her a small kiss on the cheek
before leaving the bedroom. He went downstairs and sat in front
of the computer for a while, looking for information on the
suspects for the smuggling story that he and Lois were working
on.
Lois, still sleeping, realized that she was in her nightmare once
again. She saw the Taurus in front of her and Karen looking back
at her to find out what Lois was signaling about. This time
though, Lois wasn't signaling about the truck, she was signaling
about Karen and what she knew was going to happen to her. Lois
decided that flashing her lights and honking her horn wasn't
going to work so she began to pass the other car. She almost got
up to the driver's window when she hit a puddle in the middle of
the road. She skidded and began spinning out of control once
again.
After hitting the tree and then stopping at the base of the
telephone pole, Lois looked up and saw the truck hit the back of
the Taurus. It skidded forward and hit a telephone pole nose
first. Lois scrambled out of the jeep and ran over. She felt like
she was moving in slow motion. After finally reaching the Taurus,
she opened the back door.
"Is everyone okay?" asked Lois.
"Yes. I think everyone's . . . . " the woman began saying, but
Lois knew what was coming.
The woman looked to her right and saw the empty passenger seat.
"Karen, . . . where's Karen?"
"Don't worry I'll find her. Just stay put, okay?" Lois said as
she closed the back door and ran looking for Karen.
She looked and saw the big hole in the windshield and knew what
had happened. Running with all her might to the spot where she
knew Karen's body would lay, Lois found that she wasn't there.
Frantically, Lois began looking for Karen, but couldn't find her
anywhere. She ran past the spot where Karen should have been and
into a large field. Soon, Lois wasn't looking for Karen, but
trying to run as far away as she could. She could feel the tears
streaming down her face as she began running harder and harder.
If she could just run far enough, she would be okay. She had to
get away from this. It was just too much to bear.
Suddenly, Lois tripped in a hole and came tumbling to the ground.
It seemed to take forever to finally feel the solid earth beneath
her. When she did feel it, she looked up and saw the angry clouds
that beat the cold rain down on her now exhausted body. She was
just so, so tired.
*I'll be . . . okay if I can just . . . just lay here a while.*
Lois closed her eyes and then felt a small hand on her shoulder.
She opened her eyes and looked to where the hand was coming from.
To her surprise, it was Karen's hand that rested on her shoulder.
Lois sat up and looked at the young girl in astonishment.
"I thought . . . I . . . ."
"Lois . . . "
"How do you know who I am?"
"That doesn't matter. What does matter is the grief that you're
going through for me. It isn't necessary. I can't blame you for
what happened to me. You were just trying to warn me and my
family."
"But you died . . . " Lois began, the tears taking over, "and it
was because of me. Don't you see? If I hadn't flashed my lights
and honked my horn at your mother, then you'd still be alive
today. I can't help but feel responsible for what happened to
you, Karen. I am so very sorry," Lois said as she cried.
"No. Lois, you didn't do anything wrong. If you hadn't tried to
warn my mother about the truck then we all could have died. It's
okay," Karen said as she kneeled in front of Lois and put her
hands on her shoulders.
Lois looked up at the little girl. She looked so different from
the night that Lois had seen her in the crash. She was . . .
beautiful. Lois just stared at her small, round face and smiled.
She could sense the love and forgiveness that Karen was giving
her and scooped the child up in a warm embrace. Karen hugged her
back with equal force as Lois let the last of her tears slide
down her cheeks. Lois never wanted to let go of her. She felt
such tremendous relief and joy because this child had forgiven
her for something she had felt terrible guilt over.
For the first time in weeks, Lois felt her strength returning.
She closed her eyes and reveled in the embrace she shared with
the little girl. A few seconds later, Lois was shocked to find
her arms empty. She looked up and saw Karen running across the
field, dancing and skipping. Lois just smiled and clapped her
hands to her mouth.
"Thank you, . . . thank you," she said softly.
Slowly, Lois opened her eyes. She had been crying in her sleep
but not from grief. She had cried tears of joy in knowing that
Karen didn't blame her for her death. In some special way, Lois
felt a bond with the little girl she had tried to help on that
rainy night in February.
Looking at the clock, Lois realized it was mid-afternoon and
quickly got up out of bed. She slowly walked down the stairs and
saw Clark at his computer. He caught a glimpse of something
moving and looked up to find her walking over to him. Seeing her
tear stained face, he thought that maybe she was having another
guilt trip over Karen's death, but he noticed something in her
face that hadn't been there for weeks; hope, relief, and even a
little happiness.
"What've you been doing?" Clark asked, his voice a hoarse
whisper.
Lois took a deep breath.
"Well, I've mostly slept."
She paused for a minute.
"I had the dream again."
Clark looked at her, concerned.
"No, Clark, it's okay. It . . . It was different this time."
"Different? How?"
"Well, the dream began as it normally did except when I went to
find Karen's body, it wasn't there. I looked all over, but I
couldn't find her anywhere, so I just ran. I ran into a large
field that was in front of me until I just couldn't run anymore.
I tripped in a hole and lay on the ground, too exhausted to move.
Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned over and saw Karen
standing behind me. I got up and we talked. I mean. . . we had a
conversation." Lois said this last sentence with a chuckle.
"Really?" Clark said, cocking an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but she told me that she didn't blame me for anything. She
said that she knew I was trying to warn them and not to blame
myself for what happened. But then I looked at her, I mean,
really looked at her, and what I saw amazed me. She looked . . .
beautiful. I couldn't get over it, so I just stared at her for
what felt like an eternity. In that instant, though, I felt like
she was forgiving me and helping me deal with the guilt I felt.
It was like she wanted me to feel that it was all okay. So I
hugged her. And then . . . she was gone. I looked up and saw her
running and skipping across the field. It was so strange, but . .
. it was wonderful," Lois finished with a soft sigh.
Clark smiled at his wife.
"I'm really glad this worked out between you and Karen."
He sighed.
"I really should have been more patient with you, Lois. I just
worry about you sometimes, and I want you to realize that you can
always come to me with any problem that you have, no matter
what."
"I think I know that now," Lois stated.
Lois moved over to Clark and sat in his lap.
"I love you, Mr. Kent," she said, as she embraced him in a tight
hug.
"And I love you, Mrs. Kent," he said, returning her embrace with
as much enthusiasm.
Clark pulled away and brought her chin up. They locked together
in a long, passionate kiss and held each other for a long time.
When the kiss finally broke, Clark looked down at his wife and
smiled at her. Lois got out of his lap and walked over to the
stairs.
"Where are you going?" Clark inquired.
"I thought I'd go back to the bedroom."
"Are you still tired?"
Lois looked at him thoughtfully.
"No, but I thought that maybe we could work on that forgiveness
thing. Maybe you could teach me a few lessons."
Clark quickly got up and met his wife at the stairs.
"I'd be happy to," he said with a smile.
With that, they were up the stairs in a flash. Throughout the
night, sounds of pleasure and laughter came from the bedroom as
Lois and Clark explored the regions of forgiveness and love
together.
THE END
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