Unknown Emotions

By Jeff Brogden

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

The sound cut through her head like a sledgehammer through a
watermelon, jarring her from sleep. <It can't be time to get up!
I just got to sleep!> The sound continued to drill its way into
her consciousness, forcing her to acknowledge its existence. She
reached over and tried to pound the snooze button, <Just nine
more minutes... then I can make it.> She had been lying on her
arm and it had gone to sleep. The tell- tale pins and needles
shooting up and down her arm hindered her control of it, and she
was blindly whacking away at the clock, hoping eventually she
would hit the right button.

"Let me get that for you, Lois," a calm, quiet voice said to her
from the dark. The noise stopped. She felt a large arm drape
across her torso, and felt herself get pulled into a warm
embrace. His nose snuggled into her hair next to her ear and she
heard him moan softly as he cuddled close to her. He was slowly
rubbing her stomach. "Mmmmmm, Clark. That feels good."

"Mmm-hmmmmm. *You* feel good." He nibbled her earlobe.

"Thanks. Wish I *felt* good."

Clark raised his head a little to look at her. "Feeling sick?"

"No, just tired. Seems like no matter how much I sleep, it's
never enough."

"Is that a symptom?"

"I don't know. I always thought you were supposed to throw up a
bunch."

"Well, it's only been six weeks, maybe you haven't progressed to
that stage yet."

"Gee, thanks, honey..." she said, laying on the sarcasm thick.

"Sorry, didn't mean it that way," Clark gave her a kiss to ease
the tension he felt in her. The alarm went off again.

Lois blew out a long, loud sigh. "Guess I'd better get up." She
threw the covers back and slowly raised herself up into a sitting
position, her feet dangling over the side of the bed.

"I think you're pregnant, Lois," Clark said softly as he rubbed
her back. "Are you going to take the test?"

"I want to, but I don't want to. I want to know that I am
pregnant, but I don't want to be disappointed."

"How long has it been since you quit taking the pill?"

"It will be six weeks today."

"Well, eventually you *are* going to find out. You bought the
test, you might as well use it."

"I will. I think I'll just wait another week, just to be sure."

Clark smiled, "Okay. While you're taking your shower, I'll fix
breakfast."

***

Clark was putting the finishing touches on the table setting when
he heard Lois walk into the kitchen. He turned around to find her
grinning ear to ear. "I'm a daddy?"

"It looks that way," she said, still smiling.

Clark felt like he was going to explode with happiness. He ran to
her, and scooped her up, kissed her and laughed. She hugged him
hard as she cried and laughed at the same time.

"I thought you were going to wait?"

"I just had to know." She leaned back a bit so she could look him
in the eye. "I love you, Clark Kent."

"I love you too, Lois Lane-Kent." He kissed her, a long, slow,
passionate kiss. "So, who are you going to tell first?"

"Well, first, I need to have this confirmed by the doctor..."

"Lois, those things are supposed to be something like 98%
reliable..."

"I know, I just want to be 100% sure. Plus, it's important to get
proper care, as early as possible in the pregnancy."

"So, when do we go see the doctor?"

"You want to go? I was hoping you would..."

"Wouldn't miss it."

***

"...and here is an excellent book that will explain everything
about what is going on with your body..." the nurse droned on and
on, handing stacks of leaflets, books, coupon books and other
literature to Lois. She was only half listening, as she kept
looking hopefully at the door to the office, willing Clark to
walk in any second. <Where *is* he?> She sighed as she realized
that Clark must have been needed as Superman for him to miss out
on their first doctor's visit. The nurse, hearing Lois sigh,
looked up to catch the look of disappointment on her face.

"Expecting someone?" she said softly, laying a hand on Lois's
knee in a kind, friendly gesture.

"Oh... well, yes. My husband. He must have gotten tied up with...
work... or something..." she smiled a little.

"I'm sure he wanted to be here..." the nurse tried to console
her.

"I know he did. I still can't believe we are going to have a
baby! There's so much to do, so much to learn..." She looked at
the pile of pamphlets and other items the nurse had been stacking
in her lap.

"Here, I'll put all this in something easier to carry. Take your
time to look it over. A pregnancy takes nine months after all, no
sense in rushing things." She moved the pile over to a desk and
then picked up a medical folder she had made out as soon as
Lois's pregnancy test had shown positive. "Now that we know
you're pregnant, we need to have you meet with the doctor. He
will explain all the tests we do along the way, and explain to
you what to expect as your pregnancy progresses. If you'll follow
me, we can go meet him right now."

***

Clark came into the news room and stopped short as he saw Lois
staring at him as he exited the elevator. He felt a twinge of
guilt in his stomach as he knew he had missed their first
doctor's appointment. He gave her a little wave and a smile as he
approached her.

"Hi."

"Hello. Everything turn out all right in Suicide Slum?"

She knew where he had been. <Should have known she would track me
down when I didn't show up at the doctor's...> "Lois, I'm sorry I
had to miss our first appointment. I just couldn't..."

"It's okay, Clark. Really. They *needed* you, and you could help.
I wouldn't have you any other way."

The media liked to hype it up as "Racial Tension" between the
people who lived in Suicide Slum and those who lived in the
"better" areas of Metropolis. Clark knew it was more than that.
It was more the "haves" versus the "have- nots". The people
living in Suicide Slum were becoming fed up with their life, and
wanted out. No one likes to live in despair.

In order to combat the growing feeling of despair, a campaign was
started to promote cultural identity. Several individuals had
worked hard to organize community groups, and solicit support for
a new community culture center. The idea had slowly gained
support, and eventually a site was selected. A group of
commissioners were elected and things were set into motion.

The "haves", however, wanted to build a large shopping mall on
the empty lot that was slated as the future site of the new
community culture center. The commissioners suddenly found that
their building permits had been revoked, and the land was seized
due to tax evasion of a previous owner. Clark was sure that it
was all a smoke screen to hide some pet project someone had.
Someone who cared more about their money than they did about
other people.

Tensions had been high lately, and they finally came to a head as
several people picketing the construction site had gotten into a
fight with construction workers trying to cross the picket line.
Superman had shown up before it could turn into a full- blown
riot. He had had to spend several hours acting as mediator to
their argument, and to make sure tempers didn't flare all over
again. He looked at Lois and noticed she was smiling at him.

Her smile did little to make him feel better. "I still feel bad
about not being there for you, Lois. I wanted us to do this
together."

"Well, you will get your chance to do a lot of visiting to the
doctor's office over the next nine months."

"You mean you're..."

Her smile, and the twinkle in her eye, was answer enough.

***

Lois and Clark were sitting on the couch, holding each other
close, just enjoying each other's company. They had celebrated
the good news of a baby by going to dinner at a quiet restaurant,
and then taking a long walk in the park. When it had gotten dark,
they had retreated to the comfort of their home.

"Lois, are you sure you don't want to tell anyone yet?"

"I'm sure, Clark. I want to hear the heartbeat before we tell
anyone. I don't think I could handle it if everyone knew and then
there was a problem. People would be tiptoeing around me, trying
to apologize and failing, not knowing what to say to me and
treating me with kid gloves..."

"Okay, okay. I'm just surprised, that's all. I figured you would
want everyone to know."

"...and when Perry finds out, he's liable to keep me tied to the
desk and I won't have that. I'm not going to stop doing my job
just because I'm pregnant..."

"I didn't think you would..."

"...and all the girls at the Planet would be bugging me about
baby showers and what do I need and..."

"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, Lois."

"Sorry. It's just..." She looked up at him.

Clark could see the hint of worry in her eyes. "You're worried
about my being from Krypton and how it will affect the baby."

She smiled slightly. "Yeah, a little, I guess."

Clark wrapped his arms around her tighter. "Me too. We'll get
through this. Everything will be fine. In the mean time, you
still need to eat another fruit or vegetable today."

"Oh, Clark! I'm stuffed! All I've done it seems is eat, eat,
eat."

"You're building a baby, you need to eat. And the doctor said you
should have five fruits and vegetables a day."

"I know, I know. It's hard to eat that many times though."

Clark held his chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Maybe I'll
get you a tee-shirt for when you start to show. I'll have the
words 'BABY UNDER CONSTRUCTION' put on the front..."

"Don't you dare!" Lois laughed as she smacked him on the chest.

"Then I could get one that said 'ARCHITECT'...or 'GENERAL
CONTRACTOR'..."

Lois sat up an whacked him again. "You do and you'll regret it!
This isn't fair, you're not even feeling any of this..."

***

Lois and Clark sat in the doctor's office, waiting to go in and
take their first chance at hearing the baby's heartbeat. They
held each other's hand as they waited. Strung about the waiting
room were parenting magazines, baby magazines, toys for siblings,
and piles of baby product advertisements.

"Boy, they sure know how to prey on the first-time parents, don't
they?" Lois said, motioning to a stack of diaper coupons, formula
pamphlets and child safety seat ads. "Everywhere you look is
something that says 'Buy Me! You NEED Me! What-Kind-Of-
Parent-Would-You-Be-If-You- Didn't-Get-Me!'"

Clark smiled, and gave her hand a small squeeze. "Relax, Lois."

"I'm relaxed. I am."

A nurse opened a door and called out "Lois Lane- Kent!" Lois
jumped to her feet and dragged Clark after her.

"Hello, Nadine. I want you to meet my husband, Clark."

"Hello, Clark. It's so nice to finally meet you." She held out
her hand to shake his.

"Nice to meet you, too." Clark had missed the first two visits
due to the trouble in Suicide Slum, but thankfully had managed to
make this one.

"Now, Lois, you know the routine. First we weigh you, then we
take your blood pressure." She led them into a small examination
room. Clark stood in the doorway, next to the scales. Lois stood
up on the scales and the nurse adjusted the counter weights until
the end bobbed in mid-air. Clark looked up at Lois's frowning
face.

"And the answer is?" he queried.

"She's gained 4 pounds!" the nurse exclaimed.

"Already? Should I have gained that much so soon? I'm only 10
weeks along." Lois looked a little worried.

"You only have to worry when the doctor says to start worrying,"
Nadine said smiling.

"Maybe you should check your patient's blood pressure first,
*before* you weigh them..." Lois huffed as she sat down next to
the blood pressure machine.

Lois's blood pressure checked out all right and the nurse turned
to Lois and handed her a small cup.

"Okay, honey, there's the door, leave the cup in the same spot as
last time. I'll put your husband in the third room down the
hall."

Clark gave Lois a questioning look as she walked passed him with
the cup.

"Don't say a thing, mister..." Lois said under her breath as she
opened the door to the bathroom.

***

"Nervous?"

"Just a little."

"Tell me what the doctor is like. What's his name?"

"Dr. Sammual. He's great. He likes to kid around a little to help
ease the tension. He explains *everything*, and he's good at
making you feel comfortable."

Just then the door opened and Dr. Sammual entered the room,
carrying a small box with what looked like a microphone attached
to it.

"Hello, Lois," he said as he set the box down next to her on the
examination table. He looked at Clark with a questioning look on
his face. "Strange, this isn't the same guy you brought with you
last time, is it?"

Lois and Dr. Sammual laughed as Clark's face went through several
emotional changes. Dr. Sammual extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Dr.
Sammual, you must be Clark."

"Good to meet you..."

"Hope you don't mind me funning with you a little. Okay..." He
flipped open Lois's chart. "Hmmm... lab work looks good, all the
levels are looking fine. How have you been feeling?"

"Pretty good. I haven't gotten sick yet, but I'm more tired than
normal."

"Okay, the only cure for that is rest. And eating healthy. Ready
to see if we can hear that heartbeat?" Lois laid back on the
examination table and blushed a little as she unbuttoned her
slacks and slid them down just a little. Clark shifted nervously
in his seat, as he tried to avert his eyes. <This is so strange!
Here I am in a room with Lois; she's just pulled her pants down
and a strange man is standing here getting ready to look her
over!> He didn't know how to react. He knew that the doctor was a
professional, but this was *his* Lois and her bare skin that only
*he* was supposed to be seeing.

The doctor felt, and pushed on her pelvic area, saying "I'm
trying to find the top of her uterus. This way I can gauge how
much the baby is growing, and where to start looking for the
heartbeat." Next he grabbed a bottle labeled "Ultra-Sound Gel"
and squirted a glob onto the microphone looking device hooked to
the box.

"I keep this stuff a little above freezing just for my patients'
comfort," he said, smiling to Lois as he again felt for the top
of her uterus. Finding the right spot he put the device on her
abdomen and turn on a switch. The speaker gave forth a sputter of
static and then settled down to a rhythmic thump- thump-thump.

"Is that it?" Clark said breathlessly.

"No, that's mamma's heartbeat. Anytime you hear a slow, steady
rhythm, that's mamma. The baby's heartbeat will be much faster
and more erratic."

Dr. Sammual slowly moved the instrument back and forth over
Lois's abdomen, turning and pushing. Her heartbeat would fade in
and out and he moved back and forth. Suddenly a large bump and
squeal erupted. "Gas..." the doctor laughed.

One minute went by. Then two. After three minutes went by, Clark
looked at Lois's face. She was staring at the ceiling and a light
sheen of tears could be seen in her eyes. He reached out and
touched her shoulder. The doctor had his eyes closed as he
concentrated on the sounds coming from the speaker in the box.
Lois looked over at Clark and smiled a small smile. He squeezed
her shoulder and smiled back. Clark tried to tune in with his own
special hearing device, but couldn't hear anything. The
ultra-sound machine the doctor was using was just making too much
noise for him to filter out. After about five minutes, Dr.
Sammual stood up and turned the machine off. "Nope, not going to
find it today. Mother's heartbeat is too strong..."

He picked up Lois's chart and made some notes, then took a small,
metal disk out of his lab coat. The disk had several other,
smaller disks mounted on its face, which the doctor turned into
some position, after re-checking the chart. He looked at the disk
and shook his head, mumbling to himself. Clark tuned in his
super-hearing to hear him say "...she should be about 10
weeks...yes...10 weeks is right..."

Lois was pulling her slacks up after wiping the gel off, and was
looking a little scared. Clark stood up and put his arm around
her and kissed the top of her head.

"Well, we will try again in one week. We should hear the
heartbeat by that time. If we don't, we do an ultra-sound and
take a look and see what's going on inside." He looked at Lois,
then at Clark. "Don't start worrying yet. Wait till next week.
Our dates could be off. Or there may be more than one baby, and
the heartbeat of each is canceling out the other's..."

"More than one?" Lois and Clark said together, a slight look of
shock on their faces.

Dr. Sammual laughed, "Just kidding. Had to see how you would
react to that. Seriously, don't start worrying yet. We'll try
again next week. Okay?"

***

"Hey! Bozo! The speed limit is 45 miles per hour not 45 feet per
hour!"

Clark smiled as he shook his head. Typical Lois, start venting on
some poor unsuspecting motorist instead of talking about
something that was troubling her. "Lois, I've been thinking. I
could take a look or a listen to see if I can see anything. Maybe
I'll..."

"No. That won't be necessary Clark. Look at that moron! Did you
just see what they did!?! Geesh!"

"Lois..."

"That guy must have gotten his license in a box of Cracker
Jack's."

"I could use my 'vision gizmo' to take a peek..."

"One thing I can't stand is someone who won't drive at least the
speed limit..."

"Or my 'hearing gizmo' to see if I can find a heart beat..."

"You know, people like this bozo in front of me are not in
accidents, they cause them. And people like you and me pay the
price..."

"*LOIS!* Have you heard a word I've said?"

Lois looked at Clark. She could see the concern in his eyes.
"I've heard every one, Clark. But to be honest, I don't think you
could use your hearing to find the heart beat. You have no idea
what to listen for. And as for the 'vision gizmo', well..." She
fidgeted in her seat.

"Well?"

"Well, normal X-ray's are not good for a fetus. What if your
vision would harm the baby somehow?"

Clark hadn't thought of that. He had no idea how his X-ray vision
worked. Was it like regular X-rays? Would it harm a developing
fetus? "I see what you mean..."

"Let's just wait until next week. That's what we have a doctor
for, after all."

***

"Lois! Lois, over here!" Mary waved across the Daily Planet's
cafeteria, motioning for Lois to come sit by her and Sheri. Clark
was out taking care of some more trouble in Suicide Slum, so Lois
was doing lunch alone. She took her tray and walked over to the
table Mary was at and sat down next to Sheri. "Hi, girls. How are
you both doing?"

"We're doing fine," Sheri said. "The question is, how are *you*
doing?"

Lois looked at Sheri's questioning eyes, and then over at Mary,
who was looking at her with an equally questioning look. "I'm -
doing fine - why?" she said in a slightly defensive tone.

Mary leaned in closer and spoke in a hushed voice, "Lois, you
can't fool me. Something's up, I can see it in you. You're
pregnant, aren't you?"

Lois' eyebrows went up, as she looked at Mary, then Sheri.
"I'm... No... I mean... no, I'm not pregnant..." Lois said, then
quickly grabbed a carrot stick and started munching on it.

Sheri looked casually at the carrot stick in Lois's hand. "Right.
Sure, Lois. Come on - you can tell us." She leaned over. "We
won't tell anyone, honest."

Lois started to get flustered. <Damn! I'm usually so good at
lying, must be these darn hormones and emotions...> "Really,
there's nothing wrong..." she said as she picked up a piece of
broccoli.

"Lois, we can tell you're lying," Mary said softly. "Personally,
I think it's wonderful news. You and Clark, having a baby. Man,
are you ever lucky to have landed him..."

Sheri chimed in, "Is she ever. All the girls were just dying to
go out with him. But Clark only had eyes for you..."

"And now you're going to have a baby, right?" Mary prodded
again.

Lois hung her head in defeat, <I'm giving up too easy - must be
related to the pregnancy again - easy to read, easy to push
over...> "Yes... Clark and I are expecting..."

"YES!" Mary and Sheri yelled together.

"Sssshhhh!!! You said you would keep it a secret." Lois quickly
looked around to see if anyone was staring, and found only half
the people eating and half of them looking at the three of them.
"Oh, great - I suppose everyone knows now..." She threw a celery
stick down and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Not everyone, just *us*! This is *so* great, Lois." Sheri
reached over and patted Lois on the arm. "Why are you trying to
keep it a secret?"

"Because if Perry finds out, he'll probably make me do desk duty,
or send me out on all the boring interviews. I'm not going to let
this keep me from doing my job." She picked up the celery stick
again and took a large bite. "Plus," she mumbled through a
mouthful of celery, "everyone would start treating me
differently. 'Oh, look, there's Lois. Careful, she's in the
motherly-way...'" Lois made a disgusted look. "I couldn't handle
that." She leaned her elbows on the table and fixed both of them
with a deadly look. "What I want to know is, how did *you* two
know..."

Mary spoke up first. "I knew something was up when you started
eating all the vegetables. My daughter is pregnant and she is
doing the same thing."

"And I knew you were going to the doctor's office. I overheard
you tell Clark you were going to meet him there." Sheri looked a
little embarrassed at having to confess to eavesdropping. "Plus,
I've had one myself, and you just had this look about you."

"Well, okay, I'll buy those excuses. I don't want anyone else to
know, though. Clark and I want to be the ones to break the
news."

"You can count on us to keep our mouths shut." Mary looked at
Sheri who nodded.

Lois smiled, "Good."

Mary sat back and sighed, "It's a relief actually..."

"How so?" Lois asked.

"Well, I mean, you and Clark have been married for what, three
years?" Mary looked at Sheri.

"Yes, three years; that's a *long* time," Sheri smiled back at
Mary then looked at Lois. "We were beginning to think that we
needed to buy you two a book or something."

Mary and Sheri burst out laughing at the look of horror on Lois's
face.

"We don't need a book!!"

"Obviously."

"We just happen to be doing lots of practicing..."

***

He heard her coming up the steps. Heard her fumble for her keys
and unlock the door. He could already smell her; at least he
liked to think he could. Maybe it was memory. He could hear her
mumbling about little things as she put her purse down on the
table and took off her shoes.

"Clark? Clark, you home?"

Her voice sounded wonderful. It almost made things okay. He heard
her walking toward the bedroom, and sighed.

Lois walked into the bedroom, and flipped on the light. She
gasped when she saw Clark curled up in the fetal position,
floating about three feet above the bed. <Oh, no. Something
horrible has happened.> "Hi, honey," she said in a small whisper.
Clark sat up and floated down onto the bed. Lois came over and
sat next to him, draping her arm around his shoulder. "What
happened?"

"I was too late to stop a little five-year-old girl from getting
shot."

"Oh, Clark..."

"It was a drive-by shooting in Suicide Slum. At the new shopping
center construction site. She and her mother were just walking
by." He laid his head in her lap, while she ran her fingers
through his hair. "I caught them. And took the girl to the
hospital. She's in critical condition."

Lois leaned down and kissed him softly on the temple. There
wasn't much she could say. She'd done this before, and it was
best to just be here for him, hold him, let him know he was not
alone. He needed to talk things out. He would talk, letting the
pressure ease off his shoulders, the disappointment flow from his
teary eyes, the pain ebb from his aching heart. And she would
listen, touching him, kissing him, comforting him. Helping him to
build himself back up to be the super hero everyone else saw. The
strong, never-bending icon of strength. The one person who never
buckled, no matter what the strain, no matter what the pressure.
Superman. The name said it all.

***

Dr. Sammual slid the device around on Lois's pelvis, searching
for the tell-tale signs of life, a heartbeat. Clark closed his
eyes and concentrated on the various noises fluttering from the
speaker. Lois's heartbeat drifted in and out of range, yet always
ever present in the background. He felt her squeeze his hand, and
he looked over at her, and caught the look of desperation in her
eyes. Dr. Sammual sighed and stood up.

"Okay. We're not going to find it again this week." He handed
Lois a towel. "Please clean up and then come to my office when
you're ready. We need to have an ultra-sound done, we should be
hearing a heartbeat." He gave them both a solemn look, then
exited the examination room.

Lois quickly toweled off and pulled up her pants. She gave Clark
a shaky look then a small smile. "Sorry."

"Why?" Clark gasped. "What have you to be sorry for?"

"There's no heartbeat..."

"Ssshhhhhh..." He grabbed her and pulled her tight. "We still
have the ultra-sound."

They walked into Dr. Sammual's office and found him on the phone.
"Yes, today. We need to check it today, she's at, let me see..."
He flipped a few pages in Lois's chart. "...she's at 11 weeks and
there are no fetal heart tones present. Right. 1:30 p.m. That's
good. Bye." He hung up the phone and looked at Lois and Clark.
"I'm not going to lie to you two. We should have heard something.
The ultra-sound will give us the answers we need." He looked at
his watch. "It's 12:00 now, your ultra- sound is at 1:30."

He looked at Lois and said, "You must drink at least 32 ounces of
fluid between now and then. No going to the restroom, your
bladder needs to be full. It's uncomfortable, but necessary." He
turned and looked at Clark. "Will you be there?"

"Yes," he gave Lois a squeeze of her hand. <The world would have
to come to an end to drag me away...>

"Okay, I'll meet you there in an hour and a half. Go to the out
patient check-in area, and they will guide you from there."

***

The ultra-sound machine room was quiet, the hum of the machine
the only noise. She was lying on the table facing a monitor, with
Clark to her left, holding her hand. She looked at the monitor
and couldn't make heads nor tails of what she was seeing. The
images were a collage of grey, static looking areas, surrounded
by numbers. Vague shapes appeared and disappeared regularly. <I
wish I could see something, *anything* I could understand...> She
searched for just a glimmer of a shape that looked even remotely
baby-like. Instead, a large black, empty spot kept coming into
view then receding again into the grey fog.

Several times, the ultra-sound machine technician would start and
stop a tape recorder. She would freeze-frame the image on the
screen and measure various sections of it with graphical cursors,
and circles. She moved the instrument around on Lois's stomach
and pelvis, pushing way too hard on her full bladder. <At least
the ultra-sound gel she put on me was pre-heated> thought Lois as
she grimaced again at the pressure her bladder was undergoing.

The technician stood up, and handed Lois a towel. "You can use
this to clean up. The bathroom is right in there," she said
pointing to a door in the corner. "I'll be right back."

After she left the room, Lois swung her feet over the edge of the
table and started cleaning up. "Did you see anything
recognizable, Clark?"

Clark looked at her, a mask of seriousness over his face. "No,
hon. All I saw was a big black spot." His eyes started to tear,
and Lois patted his leg. "I could, you know..." he fingered his
glasses, using the little hand symbols they had developed when
referring to his super powers.

"No. That's all right. I've *got* to get to the bathroom, hang
on..."

Lois disappeared and was gone only a few seconds when the door to
the ultra-sound room opened and Dr. Sammual came in followed by
the technician. "Is Lois in the bathroom?"

Clark nodded.

Dr. Sammual pulled up a stool in front of Clark and waited for
Lois to emerge. Lois came out and seeing the doctor, immediately
put on a determined face. She came over and sat on the exam table
next to Clark.

Dr. Sammual sighed. "What we have here is what we call an 'empty
sack' pregnancy. What that means is just what it sounds like it
means. There is nothing in the sack - no baby. There never was a
baby, just some fetal debris. Usually, the body takes care of
these things naturally around the sixth week. The woman
experiences what she interprets as an extra-heavy period. In
reality, it is a miscarriage. Roughly 56% of all miscarriages are
thought to be of the 'empty sack' type. Many think the number is
higher since a lot of people do not realize they had a
miscarriage in the first place.

"What's important right now is for us to take over where Mother
Nature stopped. We have to get rid of this debris, get your
uterus healthy so you can try again. Even though there was never
a baby, you need to grieve. Let your emotions out. You *thought*
you were pregnant. You *did* lose something - the idea of being a
parent. You carried this for 11 weeks, it was becoming a part of
you, and now it's going away." Dr. Sammual leaned forward and
grabbed Lois's hand. "Let it out, cry, whatever, just don't
bottle it up." He turned to Clark. "Your job is to be strong for
her. She needs your support and your help. She's going to be sick
for a while, so you have to cover for her. You can grieve later,
after she's all right."

Lois opened her mouth to speak, but only a crackle came out. She
cleared her throat and tried again. "Why... why did this happen?
Did I do something wrong or..."

"No!" Dr. Sammual said with a look of shock on his face. "Neither
of you did *anything* wrong. It's just one of those things. The
egg and the sperm came together, but the chromosomes..." He held
up his hands, fingers extended, and interlocked them in an offset
fashion. "...the chromosomes just didn't - mesh I guess is a good
word. They didn't come together just right, that's all. Now, we
need to get you admitted and prepped for surgery. We'll walk down
there togeth..."

The rest of the conversation drowned out for Clark. <Didn't mesh!
Our chromosomes didn't mesh! It's got to be my fault. My
background is so much an unknown. It's all my fault! It's because
I'm an - alien. The chromosomes where incompatible because of me.
It's all my fault...>

***

Dr. Sammual looked through the small window in the door that led
to the waiting room. He could see Clark Kent, sitting in the
corner, staring blankly at nothing in particular. His shoulders
were slumped, like a great weight was pushing on him from some
unseen source. Overall, he looked totally without emotion. Dr.
Sammual pushed the door open and walked up to Clark with a smile
on his face. "Everything went great. We were able to remove all
the material without damaging the uterus itself."

Clark sighed heavily. "That's great. Can I see her?"

"Well, normally they don't want people in the recovery area, but
since she's the only one in there, I think we can work something
out." Dr. Sammual extended his hand in a gesture of offering to
help Clark get up. "I know some people and I carry a bit of
weight around here," the doctor smiled.

Clark accepted the hand, he felt so tired and mentally drained.
Dr. Sammual led him to the recovery room where Lois was
surrounded by nurses. They were propping her head up, taking her
blood pressure, her temperature, and other numerous bits of
activity. Clark couldn't concentrate on any of it, he only saw
her eyes. They were open, and the second she saw him, they
twinkled a bit more. She wave sluggishly for him to step into the
room, and he entered slowly.

Dr. Sammual cleared his throat. "Ladies, this is Mr. Kent. I
wanted him to be here with Lois." He turned and left, and the
nurses each said their hellos. Lois was patting the bed next to
her, telling him to come sit down, which he did.

"Hi, Clark. You look wonderful."

"You don't look so bad yourself."

"HA! My husband, he's so noble," she smiled to the nurses. She
looked back at Clark, "We're going to be just fine. Just fine,
you'll see." She patted his thigh and smiled some more, as she
closed her eyes and drifted a bit.

Clark fought back the tears, and the lump in his throat as he
leaned over and softly kissed her. "I'm sorry..."

***

"We're home!" Clark shouted as he carried Lois into their home.
He continued carrying her until he had reached the bedroom. He
sat her down on the bed. "Stay here while I go get our things out
of the car." Two seconds and a blur later he was back. "How do
you feel?"

"It's been a long day..." Lois sighed wearily.

Clark sat down next to her. It was hard for him to believe that
this morning, Lois and he were still talking about having a baby.
Now, all that was gone. Gone, because his chromosomes wouldn't,
*couldn't*, mesh with Lois's chromosomes. A deep, penetrating
sadness filled him, and he tried to smile before Lois noticed.
"Can I get you anything to eat?"

"Yeah. I'd like something."

"What would you like?"

"Surprise me," she smiled. "I'm just going to lie here for a
while, okay?"

"Okay."

"Did you call Perry?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"He said he's sorry," Clark frowned just a little. "He also said
he could pinch our heads off for not telling him sooner." That
brought a smile to her face. "I... I told him why we didn't say
anything sooner. He understood." Clark got up to leave, and Lois
grabbed him by the arm.

"Where is that information the hospital gave us right before I
left? My discharge instructions are in there, I want to look them
over again."

"I'll get them for you, now rest."

Clark brought her the papers, and then went to the kitchen to see
what he could cook up for her. "How does a chicken-fried steak
with milk gravy sound?" he shouted towards the bedroom.

"Too heavy and greasy. How about a simple salad?"

"All right." He started pulling out the vegetables, cleaning and
cutting them up. As he worked, he couldn't help thinking
everything was his fault. He tried to tell himself that other
people had this problem as well. What had the doctor said?
Something like 56% of all miscarriages were of this same type?
Still, none of those 56% were Kryptonian. Maybe there was no hope
for them, maybe they would never have children of their own. The
possibility had always existed, he had just never dwelled on it
for very long. Now, however, was different. How could he ask Lois
to undergo this sort of thing again? How could he ask her to get
pregnant again, when the possibility was so high that the results
would be the same? He couldn't put her through this trauma again.
It wasn't healthy for her anyhow. His mother had told him how
they had tried to have children, how hard the miscarriages had
been on her. He didn't want Lois to have to go through that.

"Four months!?!?!" Lois shouted from the bedroom. Clark made a
quick check of supper, and went in to see what she was upset
about.

"Four months till what, dear?" Clark sat down on the bed next to
her.

"We can't try again for four months! That's so long..." she
looked at him in frustration.

Clark's eyebrows shot up. "We can't... make *love*... for FOUR
months?"

Lois started laughing. "No, silly. We can't try having children
again for four months. We only have to wait two weeks on the
making love part of it..."

"Oh. Whew," he said half jokingly and half seriously. "Had me
worried there for a second."

"I have to go in for a check-up in two weeks..."

"I'll be there for you," Clark answered quickly and with
certainty.

Lois took a good, long look at him. "What's wrong, Clark?"

"I... I can't help but think that it's all my fault. My
chromosomes couldn't mesh with yours..."

"Clark Kent!" Lois looked at him sternly. "No one said anything
about it being your fault. Dr. Sammual said that this type of
miscarriage was the most common, it's not your fault."

Clark looked at the ceiling. "I want to believe that, but we have
no idea if we can have kids. I'm an alien..."

"Stop it right now, buster."

Clark looked into her eyes and saw the flicker of flame behind
them.

"I'm not going to be trapped here in this house with a husband
who does nothing but mope around, blaming himself for something
he has no control over."

"I just don't want you to have to go through this again. We may
never be able to have children."

"Clark, I'm willing to try as many times as *we* decide to." She
grasped his hands in hers. "I love you. I want to have our baby.
We *will* be all right, we will."

"I'll go finish the salads. Turn on the television or something,
and I'll bring in the T.V. trays and we can eat while we watch."

Clark went out into the living room and opened the closet where
they kept the T.V. trays stored. He heard Lois turn on the
television.

"...and as you can see the mob is moving down

Wilcrest towards Ninth Street, the location of the

Thuston Village shopping center construction site..."

Clark was standing by the television in a flash. On the screen he
could see a mob of people moving slowly down the street, trashing
windows, throwing bricks and creating general havoc everywhere
they turned. He turned to look at Lois, and her face said it all:
'Go. They need you.' "Lois..."

"Be careful..."

***

<This was the last straw. Those rich, fat, suckers are going to
get it now. First they took away our community culture center,
then they think they can move into our neighborhood and run
things. We'll show them...> Oliver Thompson gripped the handle of
the baseball bat he was carrying a little tighter as he swung it
at the windshield of the BMW sitting at the curb. A smile of
satisfaction broke on his face as the windshield shattered into
the characteristic spider- web of cracks.

Oliver was one of the people who was on the initial committee
organized to bring the community culture center to Suicide Slum.
He had watched his dream, and the dream of others, get flushed
down the toilet by the "Upper Echelon" of Metropolis society. He
had had to watch as the community culture center slipped from
their fingers and became buried in the waste from the shopping
center now being constructed on their site. <Well, what goes up,
must come down!>

The mob rounded the corner and started the last three block run
toward the construction site. Ahead, they could see the
construction workers gathering, weapons of their own in hand.

"Looks like they want to fight, brothers! Let's teach them a
lesson about siding with the wrong kind!" A roar went up as he
thrust his bat over his head and started running towards the
site.

Before Oliver could get halfway there, he saw him, floating down
out of the sky to land directly in Oliver's path. The man
straightened himself, crossed his arms over his chest and fixed
Oliver with a hard look of determination. Behind Oliver, everyone
slowed to a stop. Oliver could hear the word "Superman" being
repeated again and again. Over Superman's shoulder, he could see
the surprised (and relieved?) faces of the construction site
workers.

Oliver had seen Superman before, about a year ago. He had seen
him lift a semi-tractor trailer out of the river, after it had
skidded into it to avoid plowing into a school bus. It had amazed
him that someone so powerful could, at the same time, be so
tender and caring. The semi not only contained the driver, but
the driver's dog as well. The driver had been thrown free during
the accident, but the dog was trapped in the cab of the vehicle.
The animal would have surely died, had not the Man of Steel
lifted the vehicle out of the river, ripped the door open and
given the dog mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Now, however, hate, anger and adrenaline clouded Oliver's
judgment and vision. He saw not the Man of Steel, but just
another barrier in the way of his community's fight for what they
believed to be rightly theirs.

"I should have known those money-hungry bastards would get you to
help them, Superman!"

"No one got me to help them. I'm here on my own."

"And just what do you plan on doing?" Oliver asked.

"I'm going to keep you and your friends from destroying any more
property, or from hurting anyone else."

"We have a *right* to that land, just the same as anyone
else..."

"I know, but this isn't the way to solve the problem."

"Oh? And how do you suggest we solve it? Sit around, and talk
about it? In the mean time, they continue to build their money
machine."

"I don't know ho..."

"Of course you don't know; how can you know? You've got it all!
You're set for life! You're strong, you're male, you're white.
You don't have anything to worry about, you don't have a family
and a culture dying right before your eyes, while..."

Before he heard the words, Oliver could see something inside the
Man of Steel snap. He saw the sudden flash of fire in the eyes,
the burning rage in his face.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE!" The sentence was spoken
with such volume, such authority and emotion, several people fell
backwards from the force.

"You have no clue what it is like to live like I do. To be an
alien in a world of humanity. To live every second of my life,
wishing I could be like everyone else for just a day. To *live* a
normal life. To *be* a normal person. To be able to make mistakes
like everyone else. Can you imagine the pressure of having to be
right all the time? To always have to be there, when someone
needs you, to always have to save the day?"

His voice grew softer, but the feeling behind it kept his words
strong, penetrating. "Can you imagine the strain of not showing
emotion, not breaking down in the face of adversity? Having the
whole world on your shoulders, dependent on you to live the
perfect life, be the perfect being. I cannot love anyone for fear
someone will use them against me. I cannot share openly with
others for fear of what some maniac with a hunk of green rock
will do next. I'm the last of my race. There is no culture for me
to watch die. It *is* dead already. Lost, forever. A whole
planet's worth of music, literature, dance, science, plants,
animals... people - gone. Turned to dust, drifting among the
unknown, never to be seen, heard, touched again. There is no hope
for my kind to ever live again. I'm alone, destined to remain
alone because of the unique abilities I have been gifted with."

Oliver watched as the man before him looked down slightly, the
fury flickering out in his eyes, his posture becoming relaxed,
his shoulder slumping ever so slightly.

"And after I'm gone, there will be nothing left of my homeworld.
No one to carry on in my place, no one to keep their memory
alive. You... you have so much... so much to cherish... so much
to live for. I... I can have... nothing."

In total amazement, Oliver watched as the Man of Steel, no, the
*man* began to cry. In embarrassment, Superman put his hands up
to cover his eyes, bowing his head, straining to fight back the
tears. Oliver thought of his wife and son back home. He thought
of his job; even though he hated it, it was a job. He thought of
his home and friends.

Clark struggled desperately to regain control. He heard a bat
click and clatter as it hit the ground. He felt a pair of arms
wrap themselves around him and hug him tight. He heard a whisper,
"I'm sorry, Superman... I'm sorry..."

Clark pulled himself upright, looking the man in the eye. He had
buckled, and the world had seen it. He looked for contempt in the
eyes of the man in front of him, but only found understanding,
concern, and sadness.

"Let's go home..." Oliver said to Superman, then released him. He
turned to the others behind him, "...let's go home."

***

Lois sat in bed, her mouth wide open in shock. She had just
witnessed the most amazing thing she could ever remember. Clark
had landed right in front of a LNN camera crew covering the riot
(they always seemed to be everywhere there was trouble, didn't
they?). She and the rest of the world had seen his actions, heard
his emotional words. She had been married to Clark for three
years, and had known him for many more before that. But never, in
all that time, had he opened up like he had just done. She knew
he was troubled about being the last Kryptonian. She knew he
worried about someone making the connection between Clark and
Superman and then using his loved ones against him. She knew all
of this. It still didn't prepare her for the depth of pain,
frustration and desperation she had just seen.

She watched as the mob started dispersing, everyone moving off as
if the plug had been pulled on them. The announcers were
tongue-tied, and were trying to recover from the shock of
Superman's words. They started babbling and she saw them rush out
to interview Clark. Before they got there, he was gone.

"Oh, Clark. Come home, soon. We need to talk." A whoosh and a
slight breeze signaled his return at that moment. "Clark?"

He walked in, dressed in his civvies, his glasses in his hand,
his other rubbing his eyes, as if to remove all traces of the
pain that was surely behind them. "Hi. I'm back. I'll go get your
supper..." He started to walk back out of the room.

"Forget the supper, Clark. Come here, I need a hug, and I think
you do too."

Clark stood there, his eyes still covered by his hand. "It's...
just... all the pressure lately. The little girl, our baby..."

Lois stood up and walked over to him, "I know, I'm sorry." She
hugged him tightly, and was pleased when he return the hug with
enthusiasm. He clung to her like she was the life preserver in
his stormy sea of a life. "Clark, let's go eat and we can talk
about our fears, together."

[ONE YEAR LATER]

"...and I dedicate this community culture center to you, the
citizens who made it all possible. And thank you for allowing me
to cut the ribbon, and for providing a small place for my lost
homeworld of Krypton." Superman took the large scissors and cut
the red, blue and yellow ribbon strung across the doorway. A
cheer went up from the crowd, as he swung the door open and
ushered in the committee members who had worked hard to bring
this dream of theirs to reality.

Oliver Thompson stopped and grabbed Superman's hand before he
went in. He had turned himself in to the police after the riot
last year and they had released him on parole. He had rededicated
himself to the center project, and with Superman's help, had
found a new location to build. "Thanks, Superman. Thanks for
making me see the light and giving me a second chance."

"You're welcome, Oliver. I think it turned out wonderfully."

Lois came pushing and shoving her way up to them through a crowd
of people. "Out of the way, pregnant lady coming through!"

Clark had to laugh - just like Lois to use her condition to her
advantage. "Ms. Lane-Kent, how are you?" he asked.

Lois stopped in front of him. "I'd be a lot... better if you...
could find my husband. I... I think the baby has just... decided
to make an... entrance all of its own."

"What?!?! I'll take you to the hospital." Clark started to pick
her up.

"NO! No, I need Clark, I can't go without him." She looked at
him, giving him that stern, knowing look.

Clark relaxed and smiled. "Right. I'll go get him right away. I'm
sure he wants to be with you right now as well." And then he was
gone, rising up and over the crowd.

A minute later, Clark was pushing himself through the crowed to
Lois. "Lois, Superman told me the baby is coming." He grabbed her
tight, and whispered in her ear, "Let's go bring that kid into
the world - together."

THE END